Deek Mangoothe (aramchek) wrote,
Deek Mangoothe


She threw herself in my lap. I had little hand in neither the inception of our romance nor the ending of it. I allowed it because it felt good. I tried to end it and walk away with my dignity because I never walk away. Im not cruel enough. She cried and convinced me we could work it out. It kept going until she was convinced it wouldnt work. My being convinced meant nothing. My mind is changable. Hers isnt. When she makes a decision no amount of begging or crying can reverse it. When shes decided Im a wicked junkie whos bad for her and the boy thats that. I am a wicked person, not for being an addict, but for the length Ill stretch a lie to stay comfortable. I slid down a few notches on the ledger of evil for my admission. What makes her evil is her complete lack of any evil qualities. Its so much easier to get dumped by someone whos given you a reason to hate her. Whenever those feelings of bitter loathing come up I cannot stand behind them and say Yeah! The next time some ballistic scrotum chopper lands in my lap dressed like an angel Im standing up! because this one happened to BE a real angel. The sweetest person in the world besides my mother and she doesnt even want to speak to me now. Fuckin depressing. The best thing was getting to play with the boy. When I have those jealous thoughts of who shes with now they all end up at and hes probably plaing with the boy right now! man what a wonderful little person.

I never happen to sit down to LJ when Im in a good mood. It does happen! And when it does Im glad to be free of all that. Its funny how being in a bad mood makes you think its everything about your current situation bringing you down instead of just a bad mood. A good mood makes you think youve really got it goin on. Youve earned feeling good by doing the right things and stacking your life up right. And when things go wrong well, it must be something outside of you thats to blame. Something in your circumstance tweaking your synaptical fibrilations. No, its just a mood. They ebb and flow and change constantly sometimes having nothing at all to do with anything. Maybe someday well figure out the reasoning behind what seems like reasonless mood cycles. People will know when a mood is coming and be able to plan for it like women with their menstral cycles. Friday would be better for me cause Ill be in a mood Wednesday and Thursday.
Why havent pharmaceutical companies developed a medication for bad moods? Its a more common affliction than anything. I know there are anti-depressants, but those are long-term treatments for long-term disorders. I m talking about a pill to take when you have road rage or youre bummed because your boss shot down the proposal you spent months on. Fast, short-acting medications designed to mitigate temporary bouts of fear, dissappointment, boredom etc
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